As the entry title says, I will be kissing my lj blog goodbye... I will be migrating to my multiply account... After the last time somebody told me that they read my blog without me knowing I finally decided to leave my lj account, (which has in fact a better archiving system than multiply) and fix the mess that is my multiply blog account.

The mess I'm referring to is the jumble of entries that my multiply account has, I accidentally double-clicked the copy journal entries feature  of multiply , so now have double entries posted in lj and my multiply...

Sadly, multiply blogs don't have the delete all blog entries feature so I'll have to clean it up first...
lol  I just hope I can get to finish it all in one sitting... hahaha

so anyway... bye bye lj land and hello multi!

The mid-morning sky is crying for me...
It's funny how God really puts one over us, but what's funnier is that we keep on complaining that's it's His fault but in fact we are the ones to blame for it.

3 weeks is a loong way ahead and yet I feel the burden has finally got the best of me. No matter what I do I still insist on committing a mistake, it's as if I was born to commit them, but in fact I am born to commit mistakes and so does everyone else.

But why is it that it hurts so much? Oh right, it's a stupid gesture to ask anyone because as shobe's says, everyone is different how they experience and look at life is different. So then nobody should have any right to say that they feel or know what somebody else feels, because nobody would know what you feel exactly (pardon me if you would say that you didn't say such things, I assumed that that was your reason behind the things you said to me previously)

Nobody deserves hell (the figurative term of hell not the society's perception of it) nobody deserves torment, especially to those who were the one who willingly gave themselves up for something more important. Hell's reserved for those who fail to realize what they have and those who do nothing to get back that important piece of themselves...

I've got nothing more to give, nothing else to provide and everything to lose, but as my previous co-worker said "if  it's the way it is then it's the way it is",

yeah right...

I can't keep this to myself anymore, it's killing me way too fast and way too painfully, but hey, it's what I got... I should live with it... No matter what the outcome is, no matter what pains I would have to endure, I know deep inside that this is my best. I may not be perfect, I may not be mature, I may not be an angel nor a guy who could be with you forever, at least I am true, and I am 100% me.

If everything ends after three weeks, so be it... I won't cry anymore, I wont be hurt anymore, I won't resort to my old ways of licking my wounds and barking at the one who I lost and who has hurt me the most... because I deserved every single moment of it...

If hell was like this everyday, I'm so thankful that in the end of the day He is still there for me, even if I turned my back on Him...

and yet knowing this, I still can't block the pain... and the sky is crying for me again...
All I can do now is just breathe...

sex is just sex

But is it just really? If sex is just sex why then are there a lot of lives broken because of it? Unprepared pregnancies, unwanted children, destroyed homes have plagued modern society with the boom of the so-called "sexual revolution". From the previous concept of sex is just for married couples to today's standard of chastity I then wonder if that phrase should be left alone.

Before I continue, everything I say here is just a matter of my opinion so if anyone would care to comment please feel free, but when you do so keep in mind that I have the right to say because this is my blog, I am not here to persuade but rather discuss this view of sexual intercourse. Though I admit that there may be flaws in the information being provided, so the author is welcoming corrections whatsoever.

With that set aside, I go back to my beginning statement, is sex just sex? In the bible, it was stated in the book of Hebrews 13:4:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral

The bible, being that it is the moral anchor of Christian doctrine has clearly stated how man should behave regarding to sex. The idea of keeping the marriage bed pure, had been prevalent not only in Christianity but also to the secular world. The idea of keeping a person pure till their wedding day had charmed those who have access to civilization.

But then again, it should be noted that there are a few of the ancients had no disregard to purity when it comes to sex. There are some ancients who even promote sexual promiscuity as a practice. Therefore, our past has provided us conflicting ideas to the entirety of human sexual relations.

But now the haziness of it all is starting o lift, freedom to do and act in accordance to what our emotions dictate puts things more in a more distorted yet clear path for such thinking... the objectification of sex...

We then return to the concept sex is just sex...

I don't think that it should be thought that way, sex is for two people who do love each other whole-heartedly, the best evidence is marriage. It should belong to only two people exclusively for themselves... no matter what the situation's emotion is you never ever give that away...

But hey.... it's just my opinion so don't go shooting me up for it k?

3 long weeks...

As time slowly stops, I feel as if I am going astray. The way is shut, the way is tight, I cannot see the light in the end of the tunnel. Nobody deserves  this except those who have gone the dark road to destruction.

3 weeks...

To prove myself worthy of earning you back again, three weeks to see if we shall shine through, three long weeks to see if I deserve to finally die after a very long yet bittersweet road to nirvana.

I have but three gasps left, 3 gasps to finally give it up, 3 gasps to finally get back...

Nobody deserves this...
Nobody....
Nobody....


except me...

I felt it course down my spine.... the chill, the feeling of foreboding, something was amiss, I felt it in your texts, I felt the numbness that has finally set itself deep inside your heart. What was once alive and vibrant has finally gone dull and gray...

I never really thought much about it, I knew deep inside it was a sign, something was wrong, terribly wrong, I knew that I would finally get the shock of my life. There was something hiding behind the clouds but I never really got a glimpse of it.  If I knew things were going to be like this, I would've prepared myself. Either to stand my ground and fight or to just bolt to the night.

There it was, the monster that has finally corrupted you. I knew there was something, it was always something, but I found that something out too little to late.

IT has corrupted you, what was once mine was taken away from me, the sad thing is that I let it take you. Though I was never part of the corruption, I was the one who pushed you to falter. My swagger became your crutch, my imperviousness your sling... it's as good as me pulling the trigger of a pistol aimed for my head.

I rained heavily that day, wave after wave of intense emotions swirling, creating something different. A realization, a lesson an epiphany...

Never was I going to lose her again, not to some monster who craves a lot... not for anyone anymore... I was asked to choose between standing up or bolt...

I chose to fight!

soiled as she may be, I will never back down anymore, if push comes to shove, I'll beat the monster to the ground. If it stands up I'll pummel him, if it persists I WILL KILL IT

I'm not going to hold the punches anymore, this is war

With graduation inching closer and closer, I tkae this time to think about the future that lies ahead of me (wow, naks naman ang lalim!)


Unlike some of my classmates who are being pressured by either the people around them or by someone who has authority over them, my case of the "job quest", has been mellow. Though I think I could link this through the fact that I have been looking and I have also been very vocal about the interviews and what not, that I took.

I couldn't also ignore the fact that my "job-quest" is also visible because I ask my father for transportation money to do so.

Even if the situation at home is mellow, I'm feeling the pressure of finishing my "job quest"  is due to my incessant other self, or rather my mind which keeps on shouting " MOVE YA LAZY ASS AND STOP BEING A BURDEN!"

With that said we go to the point where I do a self-assessment as to how I am doing now,
First, the Sta. Mesa gig is off, even though it's not official, I think the Sta. Mesa job offer has gone cold now... or at least will try to contact the American if I'm still part of the team.

Second, I'm considering to go to Business World and apply as a writer there, though I'm not that fully confident that my bus. writing skills is at par, I would like to give it a shot. Though I am still going to mull about it for a few more days.

Third, I'm still waiting for the text from Dawn of Monsoon, I talked to her about my availability and was hoping to work for them last monday. Though she was enthusiastic about it, Monsoon has yet to consider employees as of the moment.

So that's sums up the things that I am considering and mulling over till 31 comes....

Ladies and gentlemen I am now officially 21!

:drumrolls:

lol right, as if my age skipping one year would drastically change the way I live... it'll take more than me aging a year to stop the way I look at life and the way I'm going to live it....!!! haha!!! now how's that for an intro!?

I just got home from my grandma's place, where I tried in vain to fix her dead phone (I found out later that it's because of a faulty line). With Blink 182 blaring "what's my age again" from my laptop speaker, I'm going to try and be deep and meditative (right...)

Anyway, I speak the first-half of my birthday at my cousin's, I delivered a tupperware full of my mom's spaghetti hoping to get my ang-pao, which I got from every uncle/auntie at Legarda. (thank God I'm not going to spend my birthday penniless) I never really got to think much because I was feeling the suns rays and heat even inside the building, I was sweating like a pig, mind you!

Thankfully my cousin Derrick would be fetching his gf from st. scho so I got a free comfy ride home.

so that basically was my day as of now.... mebe I'll be updating later... I still need to get my bloggers feet back on track, as you can see I'm not writing the way I was before...

practice
practice
practice!

ciao!

After 18 weeks (well according to lj) of "blog-blackout" from yours truly. I finally get my balls back and start blogging once again, regardless of whoever reads my entries.

I've been in one heck of an emotional and spiritual roller coaster for the past months, I've been to my lowest point in my spiritual life, a life totally resenting God and a life totally living for my own sake and not His.

and boy, being a rebel sure puts a whole meaning to the term "comeback"

Yeah right :rolls eyes: but still it sure feels good to finally get back into blogging!!!

...that... I would just soooooooooooooo die without NEKO <3


yesh and dats D truth....




































I love neko~